50 Things We’re All Thinking in a Coffee Shop

This is our stream of consciousness when we go to a coffee shop, from the moment we enter to the moment we leave. We know we can’t be alone.


1. Where are all the plugs?

2. Why is the man reading a book sitting at a four person table?

3. Why did this family bring all 13 of their children?

4. Are they on a first date?

5.What’s the WiFi password?

6. Are those two baristas dating?

7. Why do they only serve pastries?

8. Why is this coffee $6?

9. Why is this person sitting next to me?

10. Are people looking at my computer screen?

11. I hope I don’t bump into anyone I know.

12. My stomach hurts.

13. Why don’t they serve burgers here?

14. I wish I’d brought headphones.

15. There’s a fly in here.

16. Did the barista just say something about Harry Potter?

17. That guy is always here. I wonder what he does on his computer…

18. The art in here is weird.

19. They should turn on the air conditioning.

20. It’s so cold in here.

21. The sun is in my eyes, and there’s a glare on my computer.

22. Will people question me if I switch tables?

23. OMG is this couple breaking up?

24. I don’t want to sit next to that table with the kid.

25. That’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.

26. I wish they had endless coffee refills.

27. My stomach still hurts.

28. The bathroom is allllllways occupied.

29. The bathroom just opened up.

30. Do I leave my stuff unattended?

31. Will someone steal my 2007 laptop? I have pictures from my 8th grade family vacation to Florida on here.

32. This bathroom smells awful. But I feel so much better.

33. Someone just knocked on the door.

34. I hope the lock works.

35. The lock doesn’t work. They’re going to barge in.


37. They’re waiting for me outside the door now. Their apologies mean nothing. I’m humiliated.

38. Do they have an air freshener or what?

39. Breathe deeply, I have to open the door now. I don’t want to.

40. Avoid eye contact with the man who burst in on me. I hope his nose doesn’t work.

41. I should pack up before he gets out of the bathroom.

42. That couple is definitely breaking up.

43. My computer cord is wrapped around this guy’s chair leg.

44. I need to get out.

45. I am desperate now. I have the jitters.

46. The man is coming out of the bathroom. Pretend like I can’t see him.

47. Run. He’s coming.

48. Do I leave my trash on the table or is there a bin for my coffee cup?

49. I have way too much to carry. Better load as much into my arms as possible then get outta here before he sits down next to me.

50. Too late. He winked at me.

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